My Speech Saluting Nerds.

Hai Guise!

Allow me to waste your time with a speech that I must do for class.

Today, we salute you, Nerds of the World! Your skill and determination has made you the undisputed champions of the world. You Nerds have persisted when the popular kids kept you down.

They teased you, made fun of you, laughed at you, mocked the very way you looked, stuffed you in lockers, gave you wedgies, swirlies, and a all around hard time in school. Yes, all those times of being mocked just because you didn’t give a crap about popularity.

You didn’t need to draw attention to yourself. You didn’t need a giant circle of friends and admirers. You didn’t need the popularity, you were too busy being geniuses! You needed your education, Nerds, and gosh darn it, you got that education!

While your tormentors went out parting on the weekends, drinking themselves stupid, and sleeping around, you were busy at home, studying for the hardest test in the universe! And look at you now! You ended up the only person in your entire class to pass the test. .

While the popular kids were out at the mall, ticking off the police and being an embarrassment to society, you were at a friend’s house, creating a computer program that will make using a computer so easy that even dogs can use them! The world currently thanks you for your amazing innovation and intellect.

While the popular kids were out at the senior prom, laughing at the fools who didn’t have rich parents to buy the wonderful dresses & tuxedos to have a great time, you were at home, developing an all purpose cure for any cancer, even phlaballula cancer, which doesn’t even exist, but it could cure that too. And guess what? Recently, phlaballula cancer does exist and your preparedness saved millions!

You fought to be the smartest you can be. You, Nerds of the World, have applied yourself in ways that no one could! You were scorned for your skill in technology, falsely accused of having no life, when in reality, you were building your cyber-empire! Look at yourselves now, Nerds! Your  iron will against the things that would cause school massacres for the more weak-minded, has rewarded you for all of eternity!

Yours are the minds that will keep America and most other countries from being impulsive trigger happy idiots. Your hard work has provided the world with new ideas, new marvels, and new innovations. Celebrate, Nerds! Because you have become the kings of the world. You have come a long way.

You remember that hot cheerleader/prom queen who asked you out on a date out of pity? The one who stood you up in the middle of the cit where you to got mugged, beat up, and left on the street while she was at a party with her real boyfriend? Well guess what? She now lives as an insane cat-lady that no one wants to have any association with.

And that Jock, You all remember him. That dumb jock who pantsed you in the middle of gym having everyone laugh at you, even the teachers. The jock who was the cheerleaders boyfriend and convinced here to go on that aforementioned date with you, causing the aforementioned stand up. He then broke his arm, got caught using drugs, lost all of his sports scholarships, and threw his life down the toilet. Now He’s a fat bald, registered sex offender who bags groceries at your local Dominick’s.

Yes, Nerds, Geeks, and Losers, you have grown to become great. You are possibly CEOs of huge companies, or doctors whose marvels in medicine been able to cure any ailment no matter how evil or ridiculous. You could even be our leaders of the world, bringing peace and prosperity for the entire world! Your determination to follow you passions and dreams have finally benefitted the world.

Now you all have your popularity! Now you have your hot trophy wife. Now you have a mansion bigger than the White House. That Jock is now bagging your groceries! Yes, Nerds of the World, you have beaten all odds, and for that, we salute you!


Oh yes! And guess what? I'll will be in costume for the role.

The shirt I'll be wearing complete with plaid and pocket protectors

And here are the glasses I'll be wearing. Joy!

Don't ask for pictures of me in the actual costume!